PMS My S!

FYI this blog is about menstruation. If you are uncomfortable then I would not read it.

In 2003 when I was 11 years old I got my first period. It lasted seven days. From then on I began having irregular periods that would last differently each time. I would be left bed ridden on the first day because of the extreme cramping. I became increasingly depressed, tired, sometimes I'd sleep anywhere from five to tweleve hours. At the age of 15 I was placed on birth control to try and treat my symptoms. In the last five years I have been on three different birth control pills. Each one took care of the symptoms, but gave me another problem. Now I finally have one that doesn't affect me that much. The reason for my extreme symptoms is something called premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or pmdd.

PMDD doesn't last for your full cycle. It begins at the end of ovulation and ends at the beginning of your cycle. Symptoms include: increase depression and anxiety, sudden mood changes, lack of or increased sleeping, and more. For all of the symptoms you can visit...
http://pmdd.factsforhealth.org/what/symptoms.asp

What would happen with my pmdd is that because of being bed ridden I would miss school. I had two classes that I need medical excuses for. One of the teachers would accept the note that my mom would write, but the other (a witch) didn't. She said that she needed a medical excuse. Since my mom knew that the problem was my menstruation she didn't see any reason to take me to the doctor every month for an excuse, and netiher did I. Our hair dresser told us a few years later about a clinic that specializes in hormone treatment. We both went for a little mother/daughter hormone treatment day, and were given a series of tests to assess the problem. For me I wasn't lacking or producing too much of one certain hormone. I have pmdd and irregular menstruation, so I was given the option of birth control or an IUD (intrauterine device) that I would have to change once a month. I can't even remember what day it is how was I going to remember to change an IUD once a month? I chose the pill after discussing the options with the doctor and my mom. We found the treatment that was right for me.

In the last five years my symptoms have decreased enormously. I am rarely depressed or anxious, my cramps aren't as severe, I am not always tired or unable to sleep, and I'm regular. Now like I said in my introduction blog I only speak from experience. Just because something is right for me doesn't me it is right for you. Just because I have pmdd doesn't mean you do. I had all of the symptoms that's how I realized what was wrong. Talk to a doctor before ever choosing a treatment to find out what is right for you. I knew it wasn't just pms. PMS my S!

Keep Livin'
Kayla Dawn

Crash and Burn

Your heart is racing, you're sweating, unable to breathe, chest tightening. Chronic anxiety is associated with fibromyalgia, and is a scary thing. My first anxiety attack occured in December when I was fifteen (about a month before my fibro diagnosis). I was panicing over all of the make up work I had for school. I had missed thirty five days and was falling behind. I didn't know how I was going to make it up. I called my grandma crying over my work. I began to cry harder and harder. Then my chest began to tighten and I found it difficult to breathe. My grandma spent 45 minutes on the phone with me trying to calm be down. I began having the attacks once a week. Then my rheumatologist prescribed an anti-anxiety/depressent to see if that would help me, and suggested therapy to talk out my problems and find coping skills. The medicine slowly began to work, and I eventually began seeing a therapist. I still take the medication and see my therapist to this day. Back then I hit rock bottom, I crashed and burned. I wasn't sleeping and some nights I would cry myself to sleep. The next day I would wake up with my face swollen from crying so much. I would become someone else during the attacks. Once I sent an email to one of my teachers during an attack, and the next day I couldn't remember what I wrote in the email. Anxiety is a scary thing when you do and don't know what it is. You feel as if it's uncontrollable and are unsure of what to do. I would suggest discussing with your doctor, family, and friends before choosing an approriate treatment. I have been in therapy and on medication for five years and I am still working on it, but I have come a long way. Now I know how to prevent or handle attacks. If I have one I stop, close my eyes, and take deep breaths. I do the same thing to prevent them. Don't let yourself crash and burn. It's okay to ask for help. Asking for help makes you stronger not weaker.

Keep Livin'

Kayla Dawn

Don't Give Up

I think we all have at some point asked ourselves what we would do in a life or death situation. We may plan and say what we are going to do, but until we are in that position we don't know. A few times I have faced death, or what I thought was death. One of those was in the fall of 2007, but to understand the fall you have to know what happend in the spring of 2007.

All my grade school years I only ever had four true friends, and three weren't until my senior year of high school. I did have a friend from the time I was 3 until the spring of 2007. That friend was a Doberman Pinscher named Duchess. She was two years old when my family got her, and my best friend. Whenever I was sad, happy, or angry she was there. She  always comforted me and protected me. Even if people pretended to attack me or made me scream she would show them who's boss. As the years went by, as most dogs and humans do, Duchess became increasingly ill. We never heard her whine or cry at all. In March 2007 my mom had made an appointment to take Duchess to the vet. You see Duchess had lost a severe amount of weight and wasn't eating. One day I came home from school, I let Duchess out, and went to drop my stuff off in my room. I opened the back door about 10 minutes later and called for my friend, but she never came. I knew in my heart something was wrong. I went outside and began to look and call for her. I turned my head and saw something in the bushes up against my house. As I looked and walked closer I saw who it was. That's right it was Duchess. She had collapsed in the bushes. I ran toward her and, like a mom whose kid is trapped under a car, I picked her up and carried her toward the door. I dropped her at some point, but she never made a peep. I couldn't get her into the door, so I called my mom at work. I was sobing and my mom told me to just wait for her that she would come right home from work. I tried to keep Duchess from moving, but she wanted to go inside. My mom got home and carried Duchess into the house. As I sat in the office chair crying, my mom called the vet and scheduled to have my baby put to sleep the next day. While she was on the phone, Duchess saw and heard me crying, and used her last bit of strength to crawl over to me and put her head on my lap. I lost it! The next day we found out that Duchess has gone from weighing 74 pounds to weighing about 40 pounds. With how far her tempeture had dropped the vet said she would have died naturally in a few days. She likely had cancer. My mom and I, although my mom didn't want to, stayed with Duchess until she was gone. I spent the rest of the day with my grandma watching the show Reba. That show and my grandma helped take my mind off the horrific event that had just happend. I had lost the best and only friend I had ever had, at that time. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or miss her terribly. I am at peace with it because she is no longer in pain, but it took me a while to accept that she is gone.

Well Since I'm on a roll let me tell you about the fall of 2007. In the fall of that year I had become increasingly ill. It was pretty similar to Duchess, now that I think about it. I slowly started to lose my appetite and became more and more tired. I became weak and depressed. I didn't know what was going on. I lost in two months 20 pounds and became a frail 100 pounds. Now I'm 5'6", so that's pretty bad. I was so skinny that the wire in my bra would painfully get stuck in between my ribs. I was always tired, but could never sleep. I missed about 30 days of school in the fall. My school even harassed my mother about why I was out when we didn't know. I remember my mom being in tears after a phone call. I had come to the conclusion that I was dying, and even came to accept that. One day I was watching Dancing with the Stars, and my idol Dolly Parton was performing. She performed "9 to 5" and then her new song "Better Get to Livin'". Ah, ring a bell! Yes, my blog is named after that song and here is why. That song saved my life. I had givin up on livin', but when I heard that song it made me sit up, smile, and think. I heard what she was saying, and decided that even if I was dying I was going to live my life until I did. Dolly Parton and that song saved my life, and to this day I still listen to it when I'm down. "Music is the voice of the soul," Dolly Parton once said. I believe that doctors and faith heal the body, but music heals the soul. Anyway getting back to my life and death experience. I had been misdiagnoised as having arthritis, and givin a medication that disoriented me and made me weaker and physically unbalanced. We went to a different doctor who said I had myalgia , not fibro but as far as I know there is no myalgia other than fibro. That doctor gave me sleeping pills that kept me awake. Finally I went to see a pediatric rheumatologist who within two weeks diagnoised me with fibromyalgia. That doctor didn't rush a diagnosis, she actually cared, and took time to diagnose me right. I either had lupus, leukemia, or fibromyalgia. I'll take fibro over the other two any day. Don't ever give up because you think you may die. Keep living until you do, and wether you have lupus, cancer, fibro, or anything else life is still worth living. We always think that it could be worse, but most of the time it could be worse. Remember DON'T give up on life because life won't give up on you if you don't.

I'm not done writing about my diagnosis or the time before it. I will continue to write until I have nothing to say. Anyone who knows me will say that I will never run out of things to say.

Kayla Dawn

Introduction

Have you ever felt alone and scared all at the same time? Confused and angry? Lost? Well then this blog is for you. I am creating this blog as a space for people (particularly younger people) who have fibromyalgia (or any other rheumatoid disease), depression, PMDD (premenstral dysphoric disorder), TMJ, and anxiety. For anyone who has lost their faith (whatever it may be), or anyone who just needs to talk to someone who understands. I was diagnoised with all expect TMJ when I was 15. The rug was ripped out from under me, and I want to discuss my journey over the last five years to see if it can help anyone. This first entry is just an inroduction, and my first blog post ever if you can't tell. Being told you have something that you don't understand is scary, and when you don't know anyone your own age with it, it can be even scarier. All I want to do is help. I will try to post as much as I can, but I go to school for 18 credit hours (5 days a week) and work 2 jobs, so I'll try. You can ask me any questions about these things. I am an open book. Don't be afraid to ask a question. No question is stupid. I am obviously not a doctor. I just speak from experience. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. Soon you will know why this blog is called Keep Livin', and I hope you will.

Kayla Dawn